Do Dogs Need Sunglasses?
This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Do you remember the 1999 Disney Channel movie Smart House? It’s the story of a young nerdy boy who wins a “smart home,” and then programs said home to be a surrogate wife for his dad in an effort to keep him from getting remarried. Yeah, the premise was shaky at best, and the presumed visual of a grown man, umm … “having relations” with a vacuum socket isn’t pretty. But we bring this up because smart homes might soon become standard fare. And unless you want to get browbeaten by a deranged toaster oven, you’re going to need help. Luckily for you, the brilliant minds behind CUJO have the solution.
What’s a CUJO?
Besides a dog that would eat your face completely off, CUJO is a fearsome firewall device that aggressively safeguards against cyber attackers. But what makes CUJO more than just a piece of antivirus software is that it is designed for interconnected living. CUJO will monitor everything in your network from your Amazon Echo to your phones and tablets to your smart light bulbs and smart refrigerators. Think of it like the cyber-lock for your smart home and all of the smart devices within. And I just realized how much I love saying the word “smart.” Smart, smart, smart, smart, smart.
Great, but why would I need to monitor my light bulbs?
It used to be that hackers targeted PCs and mobile devices to harvest a person’s user information. But now, with the rise of home automation and smart devices, everything you can imagine collects data that can be used to hurt someone. The light bulbs, for example, can be hacked to find out when you’re likely to be away from home. Your Amazon Echo can be hacked to surveil your private conversations. And if the Penguin could hack the Batmobile in 1992, then you can best believe a modern-day hacker can take control of your twice-refurbished smart car while you’re behind the wheel. CUJO, however, would thwart the Penguin instantly — we’re assuming by biting his face completely off.
How does it work?
For being the ultimate protector of your everything, CUJO is actually pretty easy to use. You simply plug the device directly into your wireless router with a standard Ethernet cable. CUJO will then guide you through the setup process on its app, which is so simple that even people who still have TV antennas should be able to follow it. CUJO will then review and encrypt its data before sending statistics on that data (but not the data itself) to the cloud for further analysis. If a threat is detected, you’ll get a notification in the app letting you know what was blocked and why.
What’s the deal with the App, again?
In addition to keeping tabs on connected devices, the CUJO app allows full control over internet access for those devices. It’s a great way to set up parental controls for kids during homework time, or to curb your own PlayStation habit when it starts getting in the way of remembering to eat. Should you want to lift an automated block, CUJO offers a manual override that keeps you in control 24/7. Plus, look how pretty it looks.
All right, how much?
Much like other ever-vigilant security service, such as OnStar or the Terminator, CUJO is always updating to adapt to the latest threats. For this reason, CUJO is subscription-based. Regular pricing includes $99 for the device and a flexible service plan that ranges from $9 a month to a onetime $150 charge for a lifetime subscription. On any other day, you’re likely to pay $250 total for the optimal CUJO experience, but purchase CUJO from the Cracked shop, and you’ll get it for the special price of $224.99.
Uh, that’s pretty much it. Maybe don’t try to have relations with your smart home. It’s gross and you’ll end up as the basis for a Disney Channel Movie. Plus, Cujo has special senses for that sort of thing, and will burst out of a closet and eat your face completely off.
Or go totally white hat with How To Hack For The Good Guys With The Cracked Store. We believe in you.
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The post The CUJO System Is A Guard Dog You Don’t Have To Feed appeared first on DogVirals.com - Funny Dog Pics & Videos.
An incident between a University of California Berkeley police officer and a local hot dog vendor has quickly gone viral after video shows the officer writing a ticket and sifting through the vendor’s wallet to take his money.
The video was posted by a man named Martin Flores on Facebook on Saturday evening as he was trying to buy a hot dog from the man he identified as Juan.
According to Berkeleyside, Flores began filming after Officer Sean Aranas started citing Juan for vending without a license. His Facebook video had been viewed more than 11.5 million times before the post apparently was deleted.
In the video, Flores continuously says, “That’s not right,” and Aranas responds at first by saying, “That’s how it works.” A few seconds later, Aranas says, “We’ll take it to the judge, and the judge can decide whether it’s right” and “This is law and order in action.”
Observers began to heckle Flores, who told the crowd, “I’m working for you.”
UC Berkeley police told KTVU that it was targeting unregulated street vendors who don’t have a permit to sell food. Police also told the TV station that the vendor’s money was booked as evidence.
“We are aware of the incident,” UC Berkeley spokesman Dan Mogulof told Berkeleyside on Sunday evening. “The officer was tasked with enforcing violations related to vending without a permit on campus. UCPD is looking into the matter.”
A UC Berkeley Police spokesperson on Monday morning told the Daily Dot that they are also “aware of the incident” and said the police department would have more to say later in the day, which Mogulof confirmed to the Daily Dot.
According to online records, the vendor was cited for violating the Berkeley Municipal Code for vending without a license at 5:32pm PT just outside California Memorial Stadium during a Cal-Weber State football game. Juan was the only person cited for that alleged violation on Saturday.
In response, Flores started a GoFundMe account for Juan, and at the time of this writing, 2,378 donors have raised more than $34,000.
“The funds raised will be utilized to cover legal and personal loses,” Flores wrote on the page. “In addition, funds in excess are to cover other vendors who have been robbed of their hard-earned living through citations and removal of their carts … We will ensure that Juan has his personal, legal and professional matters addressed. Juan is a symbol of the injustice that takes place to street vendors.”
Another online petition was created to force the police department to remove Aranas from his job, accusing him of “continuously target minorities in the community.” As of this writing, nearly 13,000 had signed it.
“The only beautiful thing here is there is a lot of community support,” Flores told the Daily Californian. “Juan will … benefit from those funds … whether it’s getting a car, getting a permit, whatever is the applicable thing to address the issue.”
Update 9:15am CT, Sept. 12: Scott Biddy, vice chancellor of Berkeley, released a statement saying that the school cares about the well-being of those from “marginalized communities of color,” it is reviewing the incident, and he has instructed the University of California Police Department to open a complaint investigation. He then provided context for the situation:
Why did this 24 y/o become an Internet Exhibitionist?
“We have instructed our officers to monitor illegal vending outside our event venues. This action has been motivated at least in part by issues of public health, the interests of local small businesses, and even human trafficking. In addition, while I cannot comment on the specifics of this particular case, our practice is to issue warnings before giving a citation. In a case such as this, it is typical to collect any suspected illegal funds and enter them into evidence.”
In a Q&A portion of the statement, the school said that $60 was taken from the vendor by the officer, which was “seized as evidence of the suspected proceeds of the violation and booked into evidence.”
Read more: http://www.dailydot.com/
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Hot dog maker Sabrett has announced the recall of more than seven million pounds of hot dog products after consumers reported finding bones in the food. The recall was initiated after customers reported small pieces of bone and cartilage being found in these products, the company said on its website. At that time, staff immediately investigated and identified an issue that could have allowed this to occur, and an equipment installation issue was quickly addressed, the statement said. A total of 7,196,084 pounds of food manufactured from March 17 through July 4 and distributed nationwide is subject to the recall. The USDAs Food Safety Inspection Service issued its own statement, noting that there had been one reported minor oral injury from the contaminated food.
Read more: http://www.thedailybeast.com
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A police officer shot two emotional support dogs on Saturday, claiming that the animals charged at him — but video shared by the dogs’ owner indicates otherwise!
Ciroc (pictured above) and Rocko were in the gated backyard of their Minneapolis home when two cops came to the residence in response to a false burglary call.
One officer hopped the fence to the yard and, according to the police report, was charged at by “two large size pitbulls.” Michael Mays, one of the responding officers, wrote in an initial report:
But video uploaded by owner Jennifer LeMay seems to contradict the officer’s account.
The now-deleted Facebook video reportedly shows Ciroc calmly taking several steps in the direction of the officer — and even wagging his tail — before the officer appears to shoot the dog, causing him to stumble before scrambling away.
The second dog, Rocko, then briefly comes into view, and the officer is seen firing at the dog before the animal scurries off, apparently limping. Speaking to the Minneapolis-Star Tribune, LeMay said:
LeMay and her family were off on a camping trip while a friend was looking after the dogs. LeMay’s two daughters came home early and accidentally set off the security alarm, causing the police to respond.
Police said they are investigating the incident and plan to review the video. Police Chief Jene Harteau said in a statement:
A GoFundMe page has been created to cover medical bills for the injured Staffordshire terriers. Ciroc was shot in the jaw — and awaiting surgery that could run up to $7,000 — while Rocko has wounds to one side, face and shoulder.
Our hearts go out to these wounded pooches and hope they have a speedy recovery!
[Image via GoFundMe.]
Read more: http://perezhilton.com/
When I was a kid, my parents told me that I didn’t like dogs. I said, “Really? Because it feels like I like dogs.” But they said, “No, you hate dogs,” and I took them at face value. Turns out it’s actually my parents who hate dogs. I love dogs, which I discovered by adopting one. The thing is, since I was told I did not like dogs, I paid no attention to them for 28 years. They just did not exist in my world. So when I finally did get one, I had a lot of questions … real dumb questions that made me so glad I could quietly Google them at 4 a.m. instead of actually experiencing them coming from my mouth to the ears of a human person who would then die from laugh poisoning. For instance …
Do Dogs Need Sunglasses?
I know how dumb this sounds, but it makes sense if you think about it. I’m pretty sure my dog doesn’t blink. I stare at her all the time, and I’ve never seen her do it once. Obviously she can close her eyes to sleep, but can she blink? If only there was a way I could find that information.
I was about to take her for our first walk and it was really bright out, so I grabbed my sunglasses and then thought, “If I have sunglasses, shouldn’t she have sunglasses?” This only seemed fair. If I need a jacket, I put one on her, so why would sunglasses be any different? Dogs can’t squint, right? If she closes her eyes, she’ll be bumping into a bunch of stuff. Am I abusing my dog by not getting her a fly pair of shades?
I’m going to quote that, because it deserves repeating: “Humans wear sunglasses to reduce ultraviolet exposure — which can lead to age-related cataracts — to our eyes. Dogs, on the other hand, have a shorter life span and therefore don’t develop UV light damage in their eyes.” In other words, “Nope, because they die so quick!” Don’t put dog sunglasses on your adorable dog, because it will be dead soon anyway. There are places that sell them. They even sell them in pink! You could put these cute pink sunglasses on your sweet little dog, but you don’t have to, because it won’t make any difference when it’s super dead. Google is mean.
Can I Give My Dog A Middle Name?
A little background on this one: I adopted my first cat when I was 18, living on my own for the first time. She immediately got super sick and was puking up worms, which looks really terrifying, and I apologize for what I just did to your appetite. Don’t Google “cat worms.”
I took her to the vet, all flustered, and the vet asked for her name. I said “Sophie.” She said “Last name?” I was confused because she’s a cat, and as far as I knew, cats did not have last names. The vet was sitting there staring at me, and I thought the cat was going to die in my arms, so I said “McMophie.” She said, “Your last name is McMophie?” I said, “No … just the cat’s.” Then I realized she wanted my last name.
I decided to name my dog Gravy because she is small, brown, and super fat. I thought a good middle name would be Boat, but I wasn’t going to have another Sophie McMophie fiasco at the vet. Since there are apparently hard and fast rules about pet naming, like your pet’s last name is your last name, I Googled the appropriateness of giving my dog a middle name.
Congratulations, you’re insane! All Google could give me from this one was a LOT of forums where people even more bonkers than me were asking this exact question. It made me realize what kind of company I’m in now. “Welcome to crazy dog people universe. Here is your complimentary welcome kit. It includes a wolf shirt for you, a hoodie for your dog, and a bumper sticker that says ‘My dog is smarter than your honor student!’ Please feel free to share that video of yourself and your dog reenacting scenes from Titanic.” Ultimately, I decided I felt comfortable giving her a middle name because some of these crazies have knighted their pets. I’m pretty sure the queen would be upset if she found out about Sir Fuzzybutt. He has done nothing for the people of England.
Do Dogs Have Eyebrows?
A lot of people say my dog looks nervous. This is partially because she has three emotions, and they all involve trembling. She can’t help it. Trembling is how she expresses herself. It’s the interpretive dance of her breed, which is Chihuahua / unknown other small dog. It’s not just the trembling, though; she has a bad case of resting nervous face. A permanent state of worry is forever ingrained in her furry little features. Instead of Grumpy Cat, she’s Existential Terror Dog. When I tried to explain to a friend that her eyebrows just make her look nervous, he said, “Dogs don’t have eyebrows.” This is patently ridiculous. Dogs ARE eyebrows. They are 100 percent eyebrows.
“Some breeds — German Shepherds and Rottweilers for instance — do have markings above their eye where we perceive eyebrows should be. But dogs don’t have actual eyebrows; instead, they have a ridge above their eyes that can be manipulated in much the same way we use our eyebrows to express certain emotions.” This is some bullshit, Google. If it’s a thing that can be manipulated like an eyebrow for the same reason we use eyebrows, how is it not an eyebrow? I think Google just doesn’t want dogs who don’t have eyebrows to feel bad, which I get, but come on. If you’re worried your dog is sad that it doesn’t have eyebrows, there is a whole website that sells prosthetic dog eyebrows, for the discerning dog eyebrow consumer.
Does My Dog Know I’m Insulting Her?
I have a lot of fun nicknames for my dog that I eventually realized are pretty much all insults based on her physical appearance. I call her Little E.T. Face, Princess Wonky Feet, Ungrateful Stink Potato. These are all meant in a loving way. Her weird little body is why I adopted her. She’s an adorable abomination, like a Frankenstein Monster made from the weirdest bits of the cutest dogs. It makes me smile. However, I can’t help but wonder if dogs have self-esteem. Am I giving my dog some kind of complex with my adoring nicknames? I hope that she looks at me and hears a neutral, loving tone, but doesn’t exactly understand everything I’m saying about her weird walk and potato-shaped body.
“If you have a dog, you probably already suspected this … But it turns out dogs may understand more than humans have traditionally given them credit for.” Apparently, there is actual dog science around this issue. Oh dear. I have some apologizing to do. I don’t think my customary fruit basket will be accepted. I’ve decided the best way to make amends is to implement a system whereby my dog can insult me as well. I lay flat on the floor with a series of index cards in front of me and the dog behind me. Each index card has an unflattering word on it — “bulbous,” “pasty,” “grizzled,” etc. When I command the dog to walk across me, the body part she stomps all over is the one she is insulting, and the card she stumbles on is the insult. I feel that this is the only fair solution.
Can Dogs Shrink?
Hear me out. Old people shrink. It’s like, you get to a certain age and God says, “Time to be cute now!” But my dog is already incredibly cute. People tell me this all the time. In fact, whenever I take her to events specifically designed to be attended by dogs, at least three people come up to me and say, “That dog is the smallest dog here.” It’s like I’m always winning a competition I didn’t even enter. I honestly don’t love having a small dog. I just love a dog who happens to be small. All of the lady-with-a-small-dog stereotypes are a little daunting. No, I don’t put her in a purse. No, I don’t run a secret fight club. My fight club is very public. If I face this kind of scrutiny when she is this size, what will happen if someday she gets even smaller?
People who don’t know the letter “I” should be capitalized are very concerned about this on message boards. The weirdest thing is that dog shrinking is a surprisingly under-studied topic. However, there were several articles about dog therapists. I thought “shrink” was a pejorative term for therapists, but apparently dog therapists are up for pretty much anything. Most of these dog shrink websites are advertising their dog shrinking services, which I find very frustrating, because this is exactly the opposite of what I want.
Has There Ever Been A Dog Taken Situation?
As soon as I fell in love with my dog, I instantly began thinking of all the ways she could die or be taken from me. I’m assuming this is the joy of motherhood I keep hearing about. If I were ever in a Liam Neeson situation, I do not have a very particular set of skills. In fact, upon reflection, I have almost no skills at all. Being able to count to ten in French will not help me rescue my dog, unless she’s kidnapped by Muzzy. As I was drawing up the plans for an elaborate Mouse Trap-esque machine to keep my dog at the center of, my husband said, “People don’t kidnap dogs.” So I Googled it, and guess what?
PEOPLE DO KIDNAP DOGS, YOU GUYS! THEY KIDNAP DOGS ALL THE TIME. We live in a Mad Max dog-kidnapping paradise for dog murders. There are a metric butt-ton of articles on this subject. The worst part is that I was picturing a scenario wherein someone stole her, and then left me a note and made me give them 200 bucks or something to get her back. It would be scary and she would probably be really uncomfortable because they wouldn’t have her allergy medicine and she would get really itchy, but we would get past it. However, most of the articles I found said dogs are kidnapped and resold to other people. Naturally I’m writing this from my recently constructed underground dog predator bunker. I will remain here until the world becomes a better place, or Google creates a kindly lying to you filter for the neurotic dog owner.
If you want to read more thoughts about dogs and 2 other subjects, you can find Lydia on Twitter.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/
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In the U.S., police shoot at dogs more often than they shoot at anything else. On today’s episode of Cracked Gets Personal, hosts Robert Evans and Brandon Johnson try to find out why. You’ll hear from dog owners who lost their beloved pets, as well as a police officer who was mauled by a dog while we try to unravel just why so many cops are shooting dogs.
Click here to subscribe to Cracked Gets Personal on Apple Podcasts or search for it your podcast app of choice.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/
When we hear stories about rescue animals, we often think about them just being about the animal that’s no longer in a shelter. Sometimes, however, the stories involve more than one rescue. Sometimes the animal helps the person who adopts it just as much as its new owner.
Take the story of Owen and Haatchi. Owen, a young boy with a rare medical condition he was self-conscious about in public, needed a friend. Haatchi, a dog whose abusive early years left him missing a leg and his tail, needed someone to love. Together these two souls have built a bond of friendship that has helped them both overcome some of the darkest elements of their lives. Enjoy.
Read more: http://www.wimp.com/
A lot of us learn the hard way – dogs will eat just about anything. When they’re puppies, they find out what’s edible by, well, eating it. Shoes, rugs, rocks, underwear and anything else they can get their teeth on gets tested, both out of curiosity and as a way to soothe their aching gums. While their permanent teeth should be present at about eight months of age, it often takes much longer to break them of their chewing habits. There’s no cure-all solution, but keeping the house picked up and a variety of bones and toys on hand goes a long way.
However, some dogs just aren’t satiated by even the fanciest treats or squeakiest toys. What they really want is whatever you have, especially when it comes to food. When the dog in this video was left alone with an entire sandwich, the temptation was too much. Whether he was feeling too guilty to actually eat it or was “holding” it for safekeeping, we’ll never know.
Read more: http://www.wimp.com/
This is the cutest thing!!!
Dogs love so unconditionally… they are too good for us humans!!
Isn’t that the cutest thing you’ve ever seen??
Now if we only knew what he’d been shooting for ten weeks… Hmm…
[Image via Apega/WENN.]
Read more: http://perezhilton.com/
We are loving seeing all of these celebs donating money to the Hurricane Harvey relief effort. But when it’s your home state, there’s something about getting boots on the ground.
Together with volunteers, Miranda has rescued over 112 dogs, 38 cats, and 21 other pets, bringing them from flooded and damaged shelters to dry, safe ones in neighboring Oklahoma.
Read more: http://perezhilton.com/